How To Avoid Being “Friend-Zoned”

Ever experience yourself this…
You attracted to a girl. You thought you do it right to attract her but in the end, she seems to be drifting away.
And when you ask her what is wrong, trying to make things right,
she seems to feel that you are smothering her.
And tell you, ‘We are just friends’. Been there?

I was going through questions I’ve answered back in 2010 and I stumbled upon this forum thread. Contact me through this link or email me>>> contactme[@] if you have questions for me.



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(you reading this as it is for authentic purposes, other than corrections to spellings and punctuation)

Why She Toyed Me?

i get to (know) this girl in club…

after exchanging number we text each other from day to (night) everyday…

she seems very obssessed with me…

we fall for each other eventually and start going out (with) each other…

the following week we dance (with) each other and i confessed to her that i (like) her…

she said she like me too…

so we kissed and hugged each other in club and i felt that her kisses and hugs seems so flawless…

even when we go out we act as if we were (a) couple…

she will drive me around and go for (dates) and share our problems together…

i thought finally i can settle down with a girl…

i did ask her to be my (girlfriend)…

but she said she is not ready yet because she just broke up with her ex bf of 3yrs…

so i tried to be understanding and waited for her…

we continued to go out with each other and realised that im falling deeper fall her…

last week suddenly she treated me colder and colder…

i did have a bad feeling about it…

but i tried to be optimistic…

hoping to attract positive result…

last friday we went to a club together (with) her friends…

one of her friend is a guy (whom) i knew too very (coincidentally)…

lets name this guy “B”…

i drank together with her and she got very tipsy…

so i tried to hold her hand trying to give my best care for her…

but she kept pushing me away and kept sticking to B…

before we drank i asked her a (question)…

“am i still liked by u?”

she said” when the time come i will tell u but this day will hardly come…”

but y she kept flirting with “B”?

at the dancefloor infront of me she kept hugging and kissing B…

my heart broke into pieces…

i asked her a question again…

do u like B?

she said she never like him before and told me not to think too much…

so i tested her…

when i dance with her she seldom hug me as much as last time…

when i kissed her, her lips was so cold…

i realised that something was very wrong…

i tried not to think so much. maybe she was drunk and (acting aloof)…

(Yesterday) i came over to her chalet…

i’m surprised tat B came too and they were sleeping with each other hugging…

i was so sad that i felt like leaving the chalet…

but i didnt…

i saw them being so close as if they were couple makes me feel upset and i didnt want to see them…

she start ignoring me and kept having her attention all to B…

i didnt expect that she will change her heart so fast…

for her i don’t have any interest in any other girls in club because my mind is all about her…

when my mind flash back about me and her and the good memories, it makes me heartbroken…

y she changed her heart so fast to the other guy?

she told me tat im the only guy whom (she is attracted with)…

but she lied!!!

What is going on?!!



All the answers are there in your story..
I caught one of your sentences there..

“i thought finally i can settle down wif a girl…”

The mindset of settling down is dangerous.
And a killer.
What does that means?

When you thought, you finally want to settle down with a girl,
you may display the action of being a wuss and start being careless..

You may not aware of it.
She may sense something is different out of you than the first day she met you.

(Though I don’t recommend finding a Girlfriend from a club as most of us there want to have fun and probably have flings and dating partners.. but there are couples who met in clubs!)

Sometimes, it is best not to confess a girl that you like her first before knowing she likes you.
When you confess that you like her, you know that she likes you in the first place?

When you ask her to be your girlfriend, she’s probably not ready for a relationship or never intend to have that kind of relationship with you.
You must be someone who is interesting to be with and she never want to be pressured of having a boyfriend.
What she said to you is probably an excuse after she found out something about you.
(and she wanna get away from it)

And then came the final straw bro.
You act jealous. Or needy
You kept asking her about ‘B’.

She probably saw the way you act when you saw her and B.
She may now realise something about you.
You and her are not into a relationship yet.
And you act being jealous about her spending time with B.

Why must you act being needy?
I know you like her in the first place.
However, act of neediness is a killer…
Ya know?
Furthermore, she ain’t your girlfriend.
By asking her/pestering her why she is spending time with B,
irritates her.
You are smothering her.

An article about Jealousy Or Neediness I posted last year:

It is not being why she toy you.
It is Why You Toyed Yourself?

In the first place,
Never confess your feelings towards her…yet…before knowing what she feels about you at first..
This may sound contradictory to some.
But I tell you, if you stop doing this at the first place,
you see the difference.
I’ve been there before, I know.

Sometimes this may sound shocking, however.
She may never care about your feelings towards her.
She care about her feelings towards you.
Get what I meant?

You had a great time with her.
And you did ask her to be your gf.
And she told you, she’s not ready.

I do not know what you did after this.
Probably something that may startled her.
At best, keep it going.
Have a great time with her!
As if, that question never pops out in the first place.
Leave that behind.

Your mindset of ‘settling down’ probably sway you a bit towards your actual goal.



And at the chalet,
you know the answer to yourself…

If you saw her having fun with that guy, at best,
you act aloof.
Or ignored.
Have fun your own.
Go talk with the other girls instead…
It is painful though.
You gotta suck it up as a man and control that emotion!

You got into Danger when you said that,
“…realised tat im falling deeper (for) her…”

You kept asking her,
whether she likes you.

You are already showing to her and yourself,
You are unsure about who you are, in the first place.
Where were you, in the first place you get to know her?!

Where that guy went to, man?
She probably like the YOU she met the first day.
Then things happened, and she wonder, where did that YOU have been…

Sometimes there are points in life that, you gotta ask yourself..
‘What mistakes have I done in the first place?’

Best advice:
Move on!
There are girls out there.
More than you can handle…


How to avoid all this stupid mistakes?
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